When people first hear about the law of attraction, they tend to get very excited. Probably because for the first time, they recognise that they have the ability to create their own reality.
I remember reading “The Secret” on a busy commuter train back home to Essex from London- and literally skipping- Yes, SKIPPING- off the train. This unfiltered, excitable joy just burst out of me.
It was the first time that I had a sense that something could change my life, and I felt empowered and excited.
The book ‘The Secret’ popularised The Law of Attraction, but there’s so much more to it than just thinking about what you want!
That said, whilst it can be very empowering to realise your POWER in manifesting your own life, it can also be pretty daunting (and a little frightening too). The question that is often asked is, “ If thoughts create my reality, what about all of the negative ones I’ve been thinking?”
This was me in 2011! I didn’t know it at the time, but I was in the midst of battling OCD. And contrary to popular belief, OCD isn’t just about cleaning. For me, it presented as debilitating intrusive thoughts.
So then I had a dilemma on my hands. I had just learned that thoughts became my reality- AND I was having some pretty dark ones. I was TERRIFIED of what I would manifest.
What I Now Know To Be True About Negative Thoughts
Now, I know that it is exhausting to continuously push against and monitor negative thoughts. And worrying about them all of the time is counterintuitive to what you want to achieve. As well as that, summing up the Law of Attraction by saying you just have to think “positively” doesn’t really encompass everything that is about.
We are complex human beings, with so many nuances, experiences, thoughts and feelings.
And there is space for it all.
In this article, we are going to take a closer look at some of the biggest misconceptions about the Law of Attraction. We will examine how you can empower yourself when you have negative thoughts, and ultimately, how you can use it in your life free from fear!
The Biggest Misconceptions of the Law of Attraction:
1. Thoughts create your reality.
Ok, so I feel like people will come at me for saying this isn’t true.
But as someone who has experienced intrusive thoughts, here is what I have come to know instead: It is your relationship to your thoughts that create your reality.
We all have automatic negative thoughts that occur. The amygdala part of our brain serves a purpose to protect us from danger. It is an internal fire alarm that gets set off- and it happens automatically.
BUT just because you think something, doesn’t make it the ultimate truth. The key is to start to learn to not take all of you thoughts so seriously.
We need to give ourselves the power when it comes to the Law of Attraction. Not our thoughts.
Whilst, the first thought is automatic, the second, third, fourth and fifth one (where we begin to spiral) is more of a choice. Because we don’t need to give that first one any weight!
Mindfulness (or good old distraction) can be key here! And not because you need to be fearful of anything you think- just because it doesn’t feel vibrationally good when we grab hold of something and don’t let it go.
Which leads on to my next point that the universe is responding more to your vibration (or your feelings) rather than your exact thoughts. Of course, if you are thinking negatively, it’s unlikely you are going to have a great day. I mean, it makes sense doesn’t it? Have you ever had a wonderful day ON A THOUGHT SPIRAL?
I know I haven’t.
But rest assured, it doesn’t mean the negative imaginary scenario you’ve been replaying in your head is what is going to occur.
2. If something bad happens, it’s your fault for thinking negatively!
Just no. Not at all. No no no. It’s never about fault here.
And the message of “MONITOR EVERY THOUGHT” that is across various Law of Attraction social media platforms feeds into that sense of blame.
The universe is a loving, kind universe that isn’t set out to punish you for not thinking perfectly positively!
So many people ask themselves, “What have I done to deserve this?”
If something bad has happened beyond your control, then I am sending virtual hugs your way. Life is made up of a whole host of experiences- some of which can be challenging.
We can be the creators of our own reality and still experience heartache, loss, struggle etc. It’s ok to feel all of the feelings as you allow the intensity of emotions like grief to pass. In fact, I would even go as far to say it is necessary to feel them.
AND, that also doesn’t mean we have to stay stuck there. Whilst I am never an advocate for blame, I am an advocate for responsibility. Which is so different!
Blame says- It is all of my fault. I created this! I did this!
Responsibility says- How can I process what is going on right now, and use this moment as my starting point?
We have to begin with where we are truly at, which leads me onto my next misconception, which is….
3. Negative Emotions Are Always Bad When Working with The Law of Attraction.
There is a whole breadth of emotions that make up the tapestry of the human experience, and it is ok to allow it all.
We often aren’t taught that though!
Put your hand up if you have ever been told “don’t cry!”? (I am aware you can’t see me, but just know that my hand is emphatically raised).
So many people are walking around with unprocessed emotions that are stored within their bodies. The body is where we hold on to everything, and it truly does keep the score.
If you have been to one of my workshops, you would most likely have heard me say that the body is the subconscious mind. (Candace Pert has a book with this as the title!)
Our nervous system (that exists as a network within our bodies) holds on to trapped emotions, beliefs, programming for our pasts, memories…
Everything!
And when we don’t process or integrate the negative emotions… they linger.
They stay with us.
EFT has been so helpful for me in integrating and releasing these emotions from my body. And when I do make space and allow whatever is going on with me, I end up organically feeling better.
Not by pretending, masking or subscribing to toxic positivity where you have to just be high vibe all of the time.
No, thank you!
EFT has been a game changer for me in The Law of Attraction! It allows me to clear anything I am holding onto that isn’t vibrationally aligned with what I want.
Additionally, the vastness of the human experience is where we gain our wisdom. Have you noticed how many people have turned their pain points into their power? Buddhism talks about how this is “turning poison into medicine.”
I know it doesn’t feel like it when you are in the midst of it, but the hard times in life can lead you to your greatest purpose.
How to deal with Negative Thoughts And Emotions
Hopefully, I have now clarified that negative thoughts/ emotion isn’t always bad.
That said, when we start thinking (whether its positively or negatively) more and more similar thoughts occur to us and momentum builds.
When you start to notice it happening with negative thought patterns, try the following:
Use EFT- This will always be the top thing I suggest to disrupt anything. It helps to disrupt and re-route neural pathways and create new ones. It is the best pattern interrupter I know, and you can find more out about it here.
Meditate- Focus on you breath and let the thoughts come and go. Remember that a thought alone cannot cause any harm. It’s only when you hold onto it and let it change your emotional state that you suffer. Stay tuned for a “reset mediation” I will be offering soon!
Distract yourself with something funny like a comedy TV show. This is a great way to shift your focus and to stop yourself ruminating on the negative thoughts.
Take a nap! This is another great way to break the cycle, and quiet the mind.
Get outside in nature! Get out of your mind, by getting into your body.
What are you a Vibrational Match to?
Sometimes people ask, what if the universe misunderstands me? The universe never misunderstands your vibration. Everything is energy.
You may have heard of the popular quote attributed to Albert Einstein that says,
Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.
Remember, the universe responds more to what you’re feeling than what you are thinking. You don’t need to get too bogged down with trying to control every single thought. Instead, slowly and surely, work your way into a better feeling vibe.
You always have the power to create a shift! But in order to do that, you always have to start with where you are truly (and honestly) at.
I have a lot of Beef with affirmations. (Not sure why I am calling it “Beef” as I really can’t pull it off!)
But what I CAN pull off is this: Creating TRANSFORMATIVE practices to facilitate you in-
A) Getting out of your own way, B) Rewiring your subconscious programming and C) Manifesting your dreams.
And here is what I have come to know…
Affirmations (mostly) DON’T work.
The whole “I am rich / I am glowing / I am magnetic” thing won’t make a difference unless your nervous system actually believes it (or in the very least, is open to it!)
I mean, maaayyyybe if you repeat it enough, it’ll start to EVENTUALLY take hold. But, ultimately, Affirmations take A LOT of effort- and you require A LOT of repetition for it to trickle through to your subconscious programming.
And therefore, they take A LOT of effort when it comes to Manifesting.
The whole “Live, Laugh, Love” vibe (that is so surface level) just doesn’t do it for me.
Why Else Are Affirmations Hindering Your Manifesting?
Affirmations can also be counterproductive! Instead of lifting you, they highlight the gap between where you are and where you want to be. When you recite “I am rich!” with 27p in the bank, it does not make you feel rich.
And the key to manifesting is to feel the thing, before you have the thing.
You know how your wise old grandma would say, “Love yourself first before you meet a romantic partner?”
Well, the same is true for anything. We need to feel our way into the feeling of something first, so that our external world mirrors it back to us.
So, instead of lying to yourself, try empowering yourself!
This can be done in a number of ways!
Ways to Support Your Manifesting That Work:
Let’s use the example of Manifesting money again. Here is what you COULD do:
Practice EFT to clear the money blocks and stories you are holding onto.
Use EFT to simply process and integrate any emotions that arise for you around it. (Videos coming soon!)
Recite Ho’oponopono to clear the shared energy you hold with money (More on this in another blog post!)
Take action to make yourself feel just 0.1% richer- that hole in your skirt that’s not feeling like a vibe? Repair it! That will instantly make you feel incrementally richer than you do right now.
We are vibrational beings in a vibrational universe, and we need to work with where we are truly at in order to fine tune our energies and upgrade to where we want to be.
That said, if you are still wanting to give affirmations a go…
Feel Your Way Into Your Affirmations
And do it gently!
Abraham Hicks talks about finding your way with affirmations — not forcing them. Instead of “I AM LOVE”… it could be “I am open to finding more and more ways to see myself as lovable”… there’s a lot less resistance to that!
You can also use “askfirmations” (affirmations in the form of questions such as: “What if I could feel more supported?”) and let your subconscious start to fill in the blanks.
It feels more natural, more honest — and ultimately, your system is more likely to accept it.
Here is the main point I am trying to make:
We cannot lie to ourselves. We cannot lie to our nervous systems.
The more we honour where we are truly at, the more we can create powerful shifts for manifesting.
I always use the analogy of getting a bill through the door and shoving it in a drawer- you can try to ignore it, but it is still there and still due!
The same is true for whatever you are REALLY feeling. When we stop ignoring it, but sit with, process and integrate it, magic happens!
You don’t have to TRY so hard to feel better.
You just do.
Not by bypassing. Not by pretending.
Just by allowing.
My Own Experience Of This….
Lately, I’ve been really affected by both local and global events. I’m a sensitive soul (and whilst I think it is important to have boundaries and be mindful of what I energetically absorb, there are times when I’m deeply moved).
And instead of reciting surface level affirmations… I allow myself to be with where I am at, and do what I know to do:
I use EFT, I recite Ho’oponopono, I breathe.
And I organically shift into a better feeling place.
(Ironically that’s when the affirmations have more of an impact! When my nervous system CAN tap into them).
So here’s to being true to ourselves- it’s not about wallowing or dwelling…
